AMERICA1



AMERICA.ZIP Author Mr. Richard Allen Dedicated to my country and its people. Hereby state on this day of February 21, 1995 my goals in compiling this work: To leave a footprint in time that I have existed on this planet. This step in time will continue if this work accomplishes its task. What is this task? To spread this writing across America, yes even the world. To give hope to people who have none. To lift up the person who has fallen. Most of all, to do my part as a man living in America. A man who knows whole heartedly what America stands for. America, the sound of it stirs my heart. Through this novel I have found that America is calling its people, yet they do not answer. America is calling us back, back to a place where she was a land of milk and honey. A land of a government by the people and for the people. A nation under God. My naked zeal for my country and my everlasting love for my God has been established in this almost sacred writing. With God and with you I can accomplish this task.

How America.zip was born (From the Diary of Richard Allen) Two weeks from now I will be going to the suicide prevention center in Los Angeles. The month now is September and today is the 5th. About two months ago while driving in my car, I heard a commercial that was advertising for volunteers to help at the Suicide Prevention center in Los Angeles. This is my story of one man and a mission. My mission in this undertaking is to affect other people at this center with my beliefs and most importantly to save lives.

When I applied to the center I did not know what I was going to get myself into or how the people at the center are. I was surprised when I first submitted my application. I was contacted by Jay, he is the man that is in charge of calling people and interviewing them over the phone and I expect he screens some of the undesirables out this way.

On the application there were about 10 to 15 questions. One of the questions that were asked was as follows. "Why do you want to serve on the Suicide Crisis Line?"

The reason that I gave was that I was a Christian and I felt I should help people choose life".

I found it hard to believe when Jay called me after I submitted my application that he called me at the office. I was surprised when he told me that he didn't think that I was the type of person they were looking for. He then said that he saw some things on my application that were red flags. I was upset that he would say this as I believe I would be more than perfect for this type of service as I deal with people all day.

I did not get outwardly upset but I did ask him to explain what items he saw that were red flags. He told me that the reason I explained why I joined (I am a christian etc..) the service was one of the reasons. His next comment surprised me when he said "were just not that serious". I couldn't believe my ears!! This is the suicide prevention center!!! How can he say that were just not that serious? After talking to him about 5 minutes I practically had to beg him to at least meet with me. I told him that if he met with me and he still didn't think that I would possibly be qualified, he just need to say the word and I'd be out the door, no questions asked. He agreed to meet with me. We set up the appointment and then hung up the phone. When the appointment arrived I drove down to the Suicide Prevention Center in the heart of Los Angeles. Pulling up to the center it was about 5 stories high and the building was not too old but not to new. I parked in the parking lot next lot to the building. Walking up to the steps of the building I opened the glass doors and went in. I gave the secretary at the front desk my name and I sat down for about 10 minutes. When Jay came out we shook hands and he invited me into his office. Jay looked about 30 years old and he looked very, very tired. His eyes had dark circles and bags under them. As we walked into his office there was a computer and about 5 file cabinets. The office was conservative and kind of dusty and dark looking. Jay introduced himself to me and asked me if I found the place o.k. He then began a sort of interview process. As I answered his questions he was obviously analyzing my answers. I kept my eyes looking into his the entire time. I know that when your talking to someone and you don't look into their eyes they may not trust you. I also know that you can't be like a robot but have to be yourself. I think I did the interview as good as possible and I wouldn't change a thing if I could do it again. After the interview was over he said that I could join the service. The next stage is training. This is the stage I am going to Saturday.

This is the end of this input.

September 17 1994 My first day at the suicide prevention center we were permitted to drive through the security gate which is automatically controlled from the inside by a person who monitors our arrival. When I arrived there the scene was pretty tense. There was a long black table. The longest one I've ever seen. There were 35 to 40 people that were also there to volunteer their time like I was. Everybody was extrememly nervous and it was very obvious. The nervousness was so apparent that this added to the nervousness as we looked at each other at times. The people there were people of all ages, races, religions. Jay Nagdimon, Ph D. walked over to the table and the silence fell over us all. He spoke first by thanking us all for coming there and also told us what we were going to be doing this day. He then introduced the founder of the suicided prevention center, Mr. Norman Farberow, Ph. D. Doctor Farberow was around the age of 60 to 70 years old. The wisdom of this man was truly remarkable. He began speaking about suicide and he spoke for approximately 1 hour. The majority of the people that were listening were noticeably bored with him but I was fascinated. This mans knowledge on suicide and the reasons for it were not simple ones but complex. His teaching was a hard one to follow because his knowledge was one of extreme depth over many years. We on the other hand had at the most, basic knowledge of the what, when, and wheres of suicide. After he finished speaking we applauded him. The people at this suicide center had a certain air about them. Almost like an addiction. Not a bad addiction but a good one. They seemed caught up in helping these callers. These callers that call the center are many different kinds of callers. There are callers that call that are in the process of suicide, that is, they are calling the line while attempting suicide, or after the attempt, ie taking pills then calling the line. The importance of talking to these callers in the proper tone, attitude is so important. It is also more important to listen to the caller. If the caller has a gun to their head and are contemplating taking their life, you cant slip up and say something inappropriate. It could mean that callers life. You can see how important your words can be. In reality, words are life.

We also enacted what are called "role plays". These role plays were very embarrasing to me and to everybody else I talked to. Let me explain what role plays are. In a role play you have 2 people sitting back to back in two chairs. One person is pretending to be a caller contemplating suicide. The other is called a counselor. The counselor responds and listens to the caller. If the caller is in the process of killing themselves, the counselor's job is to lead the caller through a conversation thus calming the caller and of course getting the caller to choose life instead. What was embarrassing about these activities was that I and the other volunteers had to play the part of the caller. It was hard for me to play the caller because I can't imagine myself contemplating suicide or at least if I could and if I acted it out in these role plays it would sound silly and artificial because, well, it would be. On the other hand there were people that were there that were very realistic callers. One girl named Dana, was one of these. I really believe that during one of these role plays, she actually cried.

End of this input. Today is 10/01/94

Today we had a woman come in and talk about rape and why people rape. She also talked about different kinds of rape and signs that victims give if they have been raped. This seminar went on for about an hour. We also discussed child molestation. It was embarrasing at times because she covered almost every evil type of attack imaginable. We also did more role plays, about 2 hours worth. I met a man named Bill there and at lunch time we went to a mexican restaurant that had been in the heart of Los Angeles since the 1920's. When we were eating we talked about the suicide prevention center and how we were doing. We also talked about the diminishing volunteer count. When we first started there were about 40 people. Now there were about 20. Bill and I think that they call people on the telephone and let them know that they aren't qualified to join the crisis center. People that were highly serious, like the girl I mentioned earlier, Dana, do not show up anymore. There was also an elderly man that was always at the meetings, now he doesn't show up anymore either. When Bill and I were in the middle of lunch a funny thing happened. All the lights in the restaraunt went out. People in the restaurant were sitting in the dark. I couldn't resist a chance for a joke so I said, YOU BETTER START TIPPING MORE, everybody laughed in the dark. Finally the lights went back on after about 3 minutes. Bill and I walked outside and there by Bills car was a ticket policeman. He was writing Bill a ticket even though we still had about 4 minutes in the meter. The guy was about 5 foot four and Bill was about 6 feet tall. The ticket guy asked if we had seen the sign. Bill couldn't see any sign. I looked and I couldn't see any sign either. But as we looked we could barely see a red paper posted on the sign. It was so far down the street however, we couldn't see it. Bill was visibly upset. He started to move closer to the ticket writer and started yelling at him and said "You go back and tell your fucking boss that I said he can get this ticket and shove it up his ass". I was surprised but not disappointed with Bill. I tend to get angry at the bullshit our cities do for the purpose of raising money. I'm not against them raising money but putting temporary no parking signs in places where it is quesionable if we can see them, ticks me off. We got in the car and Bill drove back to the crisis center. When we arrived back everybody gradually started filling the room. We were then told that we were going to be told today if we were accepted into the crisis center. This led me to believe that not all of us are going to be accepted. So about 10 of us at a time went to the bottom floor and waited to be called in one by one. As people went into the room with Jay we watched their reactions as they came out. Trying to see if they had made it or not by looking at their expressions or their eyes. There was one woman that came out with tear filled eyes. It was obvious she didn't make it but everyone in the room kept quiet out of respect to her and probably thinking we could be in her shoes in only minutes. As we were called in it finally came to my turn. I got up off of the couch and walked in. Jay thanked me for coming and said that I was doing excellent. He also asked me how I was doing and I said fine. After some small talk he said he would see me next week. I walked out and was overjoyed that I had made it. I was now a certified crisis line counselor.

10/08/94 Today was one of the most important days in my life. The more I study problems of all kinds of people here and the way our society (for the most part) tries to solve these problems, the more I believe it is hopeless. That is, the approach we use is flawed. I have found that people have one of these three characteristics and thus act out their lives with other people in this way.

Example one. "The Everyone's o.k. belief" To explain this belief I can give you an example that should be quickly recognized as you probably have friends or relatives who believe like this. This first group of people are usually who are commonly known as liberals today. These people are very accepting of anybody regardless of race, religion, sexual preference. However their morals are limited. There are no absolutes to them. They believe you have the right to your beliefs and they have the right to theirs. Unfortunatley, they have to sacrifice morals and their understanding of right and wrong in almost everywhere in their life. Although they claim to believe in a God (although not necessarily) they are almost always naive and unknowledgable of their chosen religion. These people are widely accepted by our society. They also believe that they are o.k. and you are o.k. no matter what wrongs you might have done and no matter what morality you might have betrayed.

Example 2. "The partially acceptable person"

This type of person is accepting of most people but does have a moral standard that they attempt to live by. This person feels and believes that they are o.k. the way they are. However they are not so accepting of other people. They are usually what we would call "old fashioned" and hold all traditional values. They believe that homosexuality is wrong and that these kinds of people are not o.k. They are sometimes but not always, quick to voice their disgust with actions, beliefs, etc.. that are highly offensive to them. In a word, if you conform with their opinions or standards you are o.k. like them ,if you don't your not.

Example 3. "The truthfull person"

This type of person is very concerned with what is right and what is wrong. However they do not believe that they are o.k. just the way they are. They believe that they are a sinner in need of forgiveness. They also believe in absolutes. They have extreme love for every single type of individual no matter what the other individuals beliefs are but can have this love and acceptance without sacrificing their morals and beliefs. Unlike other people that believe they are righteous or sin free, this "truthfull person" believes everyone is highly imperfect and that man, in his nature, will be evil and this is why morals are so important. Since you must humble yourself to admit that one is a sinner, this type of person can have a hard time in having somebody embrace his or her beliefs. I personally embrace this belief with all my heart, soul, and mind although I am absolutely sure my life would be much easier on this earth if I believed like the person in example 1. It does not take any courage at all to be the person in example 1: After all, if you agree with everybody and have no morals, nobody will get angry with you. I have come to this conclusion also. Man wants to be accepted and be made to feel that they are o.k. just the way they are. For the people out there that are reading this and feel that man is o.k. and does not need help answer this question. If your o.k. and I'm o.k. then why do we have Suicide, homosexuality, lesbianism, bisexuality, drug use, molestation, alcoholism, rape, pornography, murder? Unfortunately you know I could go on and on. Some people would actually have you and I believe that man is getting better in his society and that we are in control of the situation. We are out of control and you know it as well as I do. So what do we do? The most important thing you can do is to begin expressing these beliefs with other people that you interract with throughout your daily activities.

Today when we were at the suicide crisis center we were played a video which showed a girl in her 20's and a man in his 30's. First they showed the girl and she talked about being a lesbian and how people don't accept her and then they showed the man and he was dressed with make up and earrings. He looked like a woman. He also talked about being rejected by his friends and not being accepted. The video was filmed and edited in a way which did not say homosexuality or lesbianism is wrong. It did however say it was o.k. The obvious reason why the majority of our society does not embrace homosexuality and lesbianism is because the majority of society believes it is wrong and they are disgusted by it. After the video ended we broke up into groups to role play. Before we role played the head counselor asked what we thought of the video. He did say that he enjoyed the film. As the discussion and opinions went from person to person and around the room I was disappointed and frankly quite sad that everybody was praising this film. I could tell that they were serious and sincere in their emotions and comments. They actually thought this film was beneficial. As the discussion got to me and my opinion all eyes were on me. Like I mentioned earlier it takes courage to be a truthfull person. Especially when you are going to share your beliefs with people who all will disagree with you. It takes not only courage but patience and tact. If I say something in a judgemental way I have found that people tend to pounce on me and become angry. I had been thinking how I was going to speak and how I could put my beliefs in a way that would not get people too angry. I had decided to bring up facts that could not be argued with. I began and said "You know that I was surprised that nobody here mentioned one of if not the primary reason why gay and lesbians are not quote on quote "accepted". Every major religion condemns these acts.  Moslems, Catholics, Christians, and Jews.  People in this room share some of these same religous beliefs and the last time I checked the constitution of the United States, we have the right to our religous beliefs and as long as we as a society have these beliefs, these acts will never be accepted.  As I finished speaking, people began bowing their head and behaving nervously.  The counselor commented back to me "Well.....not all religions. I commented back, I said all major religions. Then he said well I don't know if the christians think that way. I then said, the Bible says "a man shall not lie with another man". I did not want to quote other passages in the Bible but I did feel it was crucial to make a point that he was incorrect in his comments. I confronted his incorrect information with correct information. You could of heard a pin drop it was so quiet in there. I was able to get my point across, my beliefs, and I was also able to say it in a way that wouldn't tick off the people around me. If nobody has the courage to stand up and say the truth what will prevail? In a room full of about 30 people I was the only one to say anything that could be interpreted as non-condoning of these acts. What I really wanted to add was that it was wrong according to the Bible. Since the people that are running this crisis line are mostly very liberal and since the head guy is homosexual himself, I am sure I would have been asked to leave. I can do no good there if they tell me to leave. I volunteered for the suicide prevention center to save lives not to accept gay and lesbian activities or to condone other sins. This is a lot different than I thought it would be but God forbid that anything or anybody keeps me from saving lives. Maybe it is good that the lord has placed me in the midst of these people. People just like me, sinners. I except them all for who they are and I pray that they accept me for who I am too. One thing that Jay asked us to do which I thought was abominable was for us to go tell our parents that we were gay or lesbian so we can experience how it is to be a so called gay or lesbian that is finally telling their parents that they are. He did go ahead and say that he was just kidding and that he just wanted us to experience the feeling of worry if we had to tell our parents. One positive thing that I have concluded is that even with these beliefs that we all have, some of them differing, we are all sincere about one thing. This one thing is something that we are all serious about. The heterosexuals, the lesbians, and the gays in our group. We want to save lives. This is a beautiful thing about the crisis center.

End of input

A poem from my heart...

I am a lonely voice crying alone yet never ceasing I am a voice of morality and righteousness Listen and hear my voice, hear how accepting I am of you? See how my love for you is sincere my brother and sister? Hear how I am looking for truth, see how I am fighting the good fight. Is there someone that can cry with me? Help me make my voice heard. I do not know who you are but come and sit with me and let us reason together,for you are my friend. Let us not wrestle against each other but against these principalities and powers that you and I both struggle against.

A poem about a suicide prevention volunteer... As I sit here sipping my tea I can compare it to being a crisis volunteer. You see I could be the tea bag, the hot water are the emotions and burning pain that flows through me as the caller helps me feel their pain and suffering, but just like that tea bag that as the water flows through the tea becomes stronger, so does the caller become stronger in this same way as their emotions, pain, confusion, flow through me just like the water through the tea bag. But in the end the caller becomes strong like the tea after it has flowed through the tea bag.

End of imput